Bishop Abraham & Rev. Gbemi Olaleye next year April 2025 will be 37 years in marriage. The amiable couple and lead pastors of Pentecostal Congregation, Ilupeju, Lagos, takes Christian Benefits through the journey of their marriage begining from the hurdles, including a very high one raised by the then Sister Gbemi’s pastor that would have denied them the blissful marriage they enjoy together today had they not scaled the hurdles. The lovely couple of five awesome grown up children further shares the secrets of their successful marriage and home in Christian Benefits family column on Ideal Christian home. Excerpts
Congratulations on your beautiful home. How long have you been married?
Bishop: Thank you! We have been married for about 37 year next year April 2025.
Will you please share with us when, where and how your paths crossed?
BISHOP: Our path crossed in February 1986. The then Sister Gbemi was attending the University of Lagos (UNILAG) C.A.C Campus fellowship and Pentecostal Assembly, Yaba, Lagos. Prior our meeting a particular brother had told me about her and how she could complement my ministry but I didn’t really take it to heart. Along the line I was invited to the choir anniversary of a particular church at FESTAC, Lagos, and here I saw this slim sister with such a powerful voice leading the choir. And I thought within myself that she should be my wife. Later on the keyboardist invited me to another programme holding the following week. When I attended the programme I saw this sister again leading the choir. I was so excited seeing her again. Instantly, I had a conviction that she’s my wife but to my own disadvantage we were not in the same church.
How did you eventually share your conviction with her that she’s your wife?
BISHOP: Later that day I asked her if she had recorded an album before or planning to do one. I didn’t tell her immediately of my conviction of her as my wife. Instead, I told her I could assist her record an album, and then asked her where she lived. In the course of days I eventually told her my conviction of her as my wife and she simply replied amen. I had a conviction of her and she also had a conviction of me.
What was your response when he told you about his conviction of you as his wife?
REV. Like he rightly said I just said amen but beyond that I went straight into a serious three days prayer and fasting that call we biriribi (non-stop prayer and fasting ) for confirmation from God. Though I desired as my husband a man of God who genuinely loves and fears God I still went into three days prayer and fasting for confirmation if he was the right one for me. Despite that when I saw him the first time and immediately I had a conviction he is the one I still prayed and fasted about it.
Aside prayer and fasting were there other hurdles he had to cross before your wedding?
We learned not to allow our children play pranks on us.
REV: Yes, he crossed some hurdles before our wedding. I had already lost my father while he was already an orphan. My mother had no issue with him marrying me except one or two persons in my family who eventually accepted him. The biggest hurdle was the general overseer of my church then. He vehemently opposed him because he already had in mind another brother, a fellow member of the church choir he wanted me to marry. He dismissed the then Evang. Olaleye as Ebenezer Obey’s band boy. This hurdle was so high that at a point I accepted my pastor’s wish in the name of children obey your fathers in the Lord. So, I prayed and fasted to forget about this evangelist for my pastor’s wish. Unfortunately, the day I finished praying and fasting to forget about him, the evangelist visited me at my work place. This turned a big dilemma for me.
How were you able to wriggle yourself out of this dilemma of God’s wish against your Pastor’s wish?
It was indeed a very tough one but God eventually had his way. First, I stopped attending that church. I went back to my original spiritual father, Rev Belema, now late who birthed me in the faith at Faith Clinic, UCH Ibadan. I shared the dilemma with him. He encouraged me to go ahead with that evangelist. Second, in the midst of the dilemma the Lord opened me up to a particular scripture that further encouraged me to follow his wish. And here we are today, to the glory of God, the bishop and I have been happily and successfully married for about 37 years now on the ground of following God’s wish for us.
Apart from the convictions what were the physical attractions to each other?
BISHOP: As I said, I was attracted by her wonderful voice the first day I saw her.
REV: Beyond the spiritual of the great anointing of God upon his life as a man of God, which was my major desire, what attracted me physically to him were his powerful dress sense, great charisma and very good communication skills. In dress sense he was far different from most of his felow S.Us of those days that dressed shabbily. Despite being a believer, preacher and evangelist he dresses very sweet and corporate even till now. He usually wore one particular brand of perfume that was unique to him.
A couple must be accountable to each in order to avoid or prevent sexual temptations
Bishop, were there other hurdles you had to cross before your wedding?
Apart from the hurdles that my wife recalled, one other hurdle I had to cross was how to inform the sister that I initially desired that I cannot continue with her. God helped me to cross that hurdle. The sister herself surprisingly called and informed me that she didn’t want to continue with me anymore. That was a big relief for me.
How long was your courtship before your wedding?
BISHOP: Our courtship was barely three months. We met and became friends in February 1986, and three month later we wedded in April of that same year1986.
Please share with us some of your courtship activities?
REV. Our courtship was not full of many activities because it was short. However, we had occasions visiting each other. He did most of the visits coming to take my place of work at Surulere to take me out. Back then I worked as a matron. Each time he said he was coming to take me out I would jokingly ask him, by car or by legs? He would reply by legs and laughed with hope. So, he usually legged me out to eateries for talking and chatting. But today, to the glory of God, bishop doesn’t leg me out anymore. He now takes me out in cars and aircraft. During our short courtship we never visited each other at home. If we had visited each other at home during our courtship I would have discovered he was living in a small apartment with someone while I was living in a big house. Even if I had discovered before our wedding that he was living with in a small apartment with another person that wouldn’t have changed anything because both of us came into the relationship on God’s convictions. It was shortly after our wedding that someone in his church rented a better apartment for us to start our new lives together as couple. Although bishop started out life in a small apartment, today to the glory of God, in about 37 years of our marriage, we have been living in massive apartments that have even housed approximately over 60 people from all walks of life and races lived with us.
ON PARENTING
Please share with us your parenting approach
REV. We agreed together in correcting or disciplining our children. We explained their misconducts to them before caning them. We explain the scriptures to them with references to their misconducts. We raised them memorizing bible verses. To the glory of God none of them is particularly stubborn. They are all lovely and cooperative children. They (three girls/two boys) grew up loving God. To the glory of God, we are almost done with parenting because they now live on their own.
BISHOP: On disciplining our children whenever they did wrongs, whenever I wanted to cane them they would most likely want to run to their mother to seek refuge. And she with affection would direct them to go do the things that I have instructed them. When it also happened that they run to me to seek refuge, I would also direct them to go do what she instructed them. We learned not to allow our children play pranks on us.
ON THEIR FAMILY FINANCE AND RESPONSIBILITIES
BISHOP: There are certain things I learned as a bachelor. When you don’t have enough or when you don’t have at all you should know how to manage the things that you have. As a bachelor when things got exhausted I knew how to go about my way but after getting married things changed. There are certain things that you begin to learn in marriage. On finance it is normal for husband and wife to owe each other. A couple having a common purse is good but I advise women to keep some amount for emergencies in the home. It is also important to train the children in financial discipline. We taught our children to have boxes to keep their monies.
HOW THEY HANDLE THEIR DISPUTES OR DISAGREEMENTS
REV: It is normal for couples to have disputes or disagreements between them. Most times when we have disagreements he apologizes even when he is not at fault. When I think about it later and realize I was actually the one at fault, I will apologize. When you apologize to each other even if you are not the one at fault you keep the devil away from your home. Unfortunately, some husbands or wives even if they are the one at fault will want to claim rights. Most conflicts in homes are actually minimal but we escalate them when we do not handle them properly.
BISHOP: Why do I apologize and allow things to slide even when she is wrong?Sometimes you choose to stoop to conquer. Sometimes, you choose to apologize to challenge. Sometimes I tell my wife I don’t feel offended when she has actually offended me. This helps me to do the right things at the right time.
Have you ever got to the point of wanting to put the marriage to an end?
BISHOP: Honestly that happened once when she wanted to travel. I knew it wasn’t my will for her but I allowed her to go at that time. It was when I was to get my British passport that I knew how relevant the decision she took was. My wife can be very stubborn at times but she comes back around.
REV: Marriage is the coming together of two people with different background and personalities. I advise people to look out for someone that will complement their personality. For instance, when it is two angry people that are married it would take a lot of process to change them. Bishop knew my extremes before we married. I lost my dad at the age of eight. He was survived by eight children. From Lagos, I was moved to Ekiti and became a very angry person. So I usually tried to stand up for myself. When I got married to him, the anger was still there especially when I felt he wanted to take me for granted. It took a lot for him to calm me down. God helped me. I can see how I have changed to the glory of God. I also got tired of myself. I wanted to change. Once you are able to learn to apologize whether you’re right or wrong, a lot of issues would amicably be resolved.
ON WIVES, SUBMIT TO YOUR HOUSE
REV: Biblically, submission is part of love. If you truly love your husband it will not be difficult to do anything for him. Submission is a role the wife must play well. Love does not mean they won’t have quarrels or disagreements. How do I show submission to my husband? For instance, whenever I need money or something else from him I either praise him or dance for him. A wife will enjoy her husband when she is submissive When a wife is not submissive a lot will be taken from her.
ON HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIFE
BISHOP: Christian should understand how to love. Christianity is the bedrock of a good marriage. Marriage is about Christ. There’s a biblical reference for wives to submit to their husbands and for husbands to love their wives. The scripture commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and laid down his life for her. A man should be tolerant of his wife as Christ is of the church. The expression of love also includes a man forgiving his wife and be humble. The Lord resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.
ON RUNING THE MINISTRY WITHOUT AFFECTING THEIR HOME
BISHOP: It is the grace of God. In addition I have learned not to put my hands into many things.
WHY SHE SUBMITS HER MUSIC MINISRY IN THE SHADOWS OF HER HUSBAND’S MINISTRY
REV: Foundation is one of the important factors for a good marriage and home. A woman must understand her roles and not feel intimidated her husband’s roles. Our ministries complement each other. When he is invited to minister he allows me to go with him to minister in songs there
BISHOP: In fact on many occasions we are invited to minister through her. When a woman runs her ministry alone without her support she’s exposed to scandals
WATCHING THE BACK FOR EACH OTHER AGAINST SEXUAL INFIDELITY
BISHOP: It is the grace of God. When you are married you are married to Jesus. Aside we don’t expose ourselves to factors, situations and environments that can lead us sexual infidelity. When there is understanding a couple walks in unity and do not defraud each other. A couple must be accountable to each in order to avoid or prevent sexual temptations. Everyone, including pastors, faces sexual temptations.
ADVICE TO PASTORS AND MINISTERS IN TROUBLED MARRIAGES ON THE VERGE OF DIVORCE OR SEPRATION
BISHOP: Christ fixes a lot of buts in marriages If Jesus is our primary focus we will not pay attention to mundane things. One has to be deliberate to be with Christ and preach his gospel. With that, the grace of God is available to every individual.
LIFE TOGETHER NOW THAT THE CHILDREN ARE ON THEIR OWN
BISHOP: We have returned to how we started alone without the children. And we are doing fine. We are already one flesh. In most cases it is when the children are gone that the oneness in marriage can be more and better appreciated. A couple should befriend each other closely for such a time when all the children would be gone.
